look down >> for epilogue
Last edited by self-sain on Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:07 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Engraved -Epilog
2 posters
Message [Page 1 of 1]
1
Engraved -Epilog Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:11 pm
self-sain
2 Re: Engraved -Epilog Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:48 am
Guest
Guest
it needs some commas and periods at places, but it's good
also it needs "
I know u said that it was in progress, just trying to help
also it needs "
I know u said that it was in progress, just trying to help
3 Re: Engraved -Epilog Mon Aug 02, 2010 1:07 am
self-sain
Periods and commas yea...but I don't know how to explain it but there wont be any "
9 Re: Engraved -Epilog Mon Aug 02, 2010 9:12 pm
self-sain
or i could take it all off >> LOL this is all the same for now, wait till you get to the space thats where i added and i gave the group leader a name and i havet changed the begging yet so bare with me
The smell of moisture flutters through out the air. The sound of a Sin less singing fills your sleeping mind. You stretch out your arms and legs, you open your eyes to see that your alone. You get up and leave your small home. You fell the cool breeze that’s runs through the village hit your face and now you can taste the moisture in the air. The warmth of the sunlight hits your face and you can see the over cast, looks like it may rain. Your attention is strayed away to the sound of the sizzling mooring meat begin to cook and you notice your empty stomach. You hear the sound of child laughter and you turn to see your friend and his father. The boy loads the bow and fires it at an apple, but at the last second the father moves the apple away and the boy laughs. The father rush the boy and scopes him up, throws him in the air and catches him, the boy laughs even more. You fell sorrow come over you and your grab and small wooden arrow pendant that hangs around your neck. The sad thoughts that haunt you being to take shape again. Your are thrusted in the air and at first you are startled but soon you are comforted. You recognize the soft yet firm hands and the smell of the woods. You let a smile take your face and laugh. You are set down an offered a hand and you take it and you two start to walk. You are taken in front of the elder and you are pushed over to where the other children are and you guys are told to sit and listen. You go absent minded as the elder begins to talk. He rattles on about what a special day this is and how you all should fell honored and some other crap. All you know is that your going out in the woods for the first time today. The old man finishes talking and you guys are soon put into your groups. Its you, your friend that you saw earlier, a girl that you play with, and some other girl your are not to familiar with. The groups guide is your friends father and he seems almost to enthusiastic. You guys start to head out and you see the village slowly slip out of view. Your not sure how you should fell because your excited that your finally able to see the out side… but you don’t know what’s out here so you’re a little scared. You all walk in silence other then your friends father who is humming a tune as he practically skips ahead. The sound of a twig breaking grabs your attention and steals your breath, your body freezes up and cold chill comes over you. You force your frozen body turn to see what that sound is, your heart races and you fell a cold sweat forming. The dark eyes meet yours and you both stair at each other, the creature breaks off and runs away; it was just a dear. You catch your breath and your friend runs and points as the dear runs off and begs his father for the bow so that he may slay his first meal. The father tell him he isn’t allowed to give the only bow away and plus the deer is already to far for such a novice to slay it. The boy throws a fit and jumps up and down and the father finally gives in. The boy is over joyed and loses his balance and he falls over. You and the girl you play with laugh and you two look at each other. You guys soon start walking again and this time you two walk together. You two talk and laugh as your friend looks for his first kill. The girl and you point and say that there’s something over there and your friend looks over there with his bow readied and yells for his father to give him a bow seeing how he refused to let him hold it all.. You two start laughing and he pouts the father chuckles and tells you guys that is time for every one to eat. You and the girl sit down and your friend is sent to go get some water, the other girl sits down on the opposite side of you guys. The father yells for the boy to hurry up and he comes back with a bucket of water. You guys begin to eat and talk among each other. The father is the loudest of you all, so it was odd when he stopped talking. You all stopped talking and looked at him and his normal fun friendly face was replaced with a serious stern look. The only thing he asked was where the bow was… the boy was puzzled and said he had left it at the water bed on accident. You see some yellow sack fly into the fire and it lets out a high pitch cry that hurts your ears. Come on we must move the fathers says as he snatches the barrel of bows on to his back.
Axel told you guys that you must hurry, your al started to run, high pitch sounds came from all directions as you guys where running. Axel said for you guys to go faster, but how could he expect for you guys to go any faster you where already running as it was. Axel jumped over a fallen tree, as you clime under the tree you see him just standing there. Three other creatures stood in front of him. They looked similar to you.. But you just couldn’t figure out what was different about them. The larges of the creature in the group charged at Axel. He swung a large looking hammer, it was slow and Axel dodged it easily, but it was powerful. As it hit the ground, dirt and debrie flew up and small crater was left. Axel kicked the creature in its head and it fell on its back, Axel grabbed the large hammer and smashed the creatures head with it. The head was…gone, all that was left was… nothing to pretty. The other two men where wielding a shield and a sword. They surrounded Axel and he scooted back, still holding the large hammer. Axel swung at one of the creatures legs, he jumped over the hammer, and Axel charged him. The both flew to the ground, but the other creature was right behind him. He hit Axel with his shield knocking him to the ground, and the other creature got to its feet and started to hit Axel with its shield to. Your friend ran at the creature and pulled on one of the creatures arm, it turned around and smacked your friend. He flew back and hit the ground, he was knocked out form the blow. The distraction helped Axel he garbed the creatures arm and swung it to the ground. He heled onto its arm as he got up, he twisted it until a popping sound followed by the creature screaming is heared. Axel kicked the other creature in the back as it was turning around and knocked it to the ground. Axel jumped on the creature and pulled an arrow out of the barrel and used both hands to drive the arrow into the creatures head. He then fell back and started to pant heavily. The blood started to seap out of the creatures head and you can feel the evil in it. Your body is frozen and you cant move, you can feel the blood being drawn towards you. Your body seems to cry to get away from it at the same time it needs from it to come. It touches your foot and you feel weak and brittle, but.. At the same time you fell powerful and invincible.
The smell of moisture flutters through out the air. The sound of a Sin less singing fills your sleeping mind. You stretch out your arms and legs, you open your eyes to see that your alone. You get up and leave your small home. You fell the cool breeze that’s runs through the village hit your face and now you can taste the moisture in the air. The warmth of the sunlight hits your face and you can see the over cast, looks like it may rain. Your attention is strayed away to the sound of the sizzling mooring meat begin to cook and you notice your empty stomach. You hear the sound of child laughter and you turn to see your friend and his father. The boy loads the bow and fires it at an apple, but at the last second the father moves the apple away and the boy laughs. The father rush the boy and scopes him up, throws him in the air and catches him, the boy laughs even more. You fell sorrow come over you and your grab and small wooden arrow pendant that hangs around your neck. The sad thoughts that haunt you being to take shape again. Your are thrusted in the air and at first you are startled but soon you are comforted. You recognize the soft yet firm hands and the smell of the woods. You let a smile take your face and laugh. You are set down an offered a hand and you take it and you two start to walk. You are taken in front of the elder and you are pushed over to where the other children are and you guys are told to sit and listen. You go absent minded as the elder begins to talk. He rattles on about what a special day this is and how you all should fell honored and some other crap. All you know is that your going out in the woods for the first time today. The old man finishes talking and you guys are soon put into your groups. Its you, your friend that you saw earlier, a girl that you play with, and some other girl your are not to familiar with. The groups guide is your friends father and he seems almost to enthusiastic. You guys start to head out and you see the village slowly slip out of view. Your not sure how you should fell because your excited that your finally able to see the out side… but you don’t know what’s out here so you’re a little scared. You all walk in silence other then your friends father who is humming a tune as he practically skips ahead. The sound of a twig breaking grabs your attention and steals your breath, your body freezes up and cold chill comes over you. You force your frozen body turn to see what that sound is, your heart races and you fell a cold sweat forming. The dark eyes meet yours and you both stair at each other, the creature breaks off and runs away; it was just a dear. You catch your breath and your friend runs and points as the dear runs off and begs his father for the bow so that he may slay his first meal. The father tell him he isn’t allowed to give the only bow away and plus the deer is already to far for such a novice to slay it. The boy throws a fit and jumps up and down and the father finally gives in. The boy is over joyed and loses his balance and he falls over. You and the girl you play with laugh and you two look at each other. You guys soon start walking again and this time you two walk together. You two talk and laugh as your friend looks for his first kill. The girl and you point and say that there’s something over there and your friend looks over there with his bow readied and yells for his father to give him a bow seeing how he refused to let him hold it all.. You two start laughing and he pouts the father chuckles and tells you guys that is time for every one to eat. You and the girl sit down and your friend is sent to go get some water, the other girl sits down on the opposite side of you guys. The father yells for the boy to hurry up and he comes back with a bucket of water. You guys begin to eat and talk among each other. The father is the loudest of you all, so it was odd when he stopped talking. You all stopped talking and looked at him and his normal fun friendly face was replaced with a serious stern look. The only thing he asked was where the bow was… the boy was puzzled and said he had left it at the water bed on accident. You see some yellow sack fly into the fire and it lets out a high pitch cry that hurts your ears. Come on we must move the fathers says as he snatches the barrel of bows on to his back.
Axel told you guys that you must hurry, your al started to run, high pitch sounds came from all directions as you guys where running. Axel said for you guys to go faster, but how could he expect for you guys to go any faster you where already running as it was. Axel jumped over a fallen tree, as you clime under the tree you see him just standing there. Three other creatures stood in front of him. They looked similar to you.. But you just couldn’t figure out what was different about them. The larges of the creature in the group charged at Axel. He swung a large looking hammer, it was slow and Axel dodged it easily, but it was powerful. As it hit the ground, dirt and debrie flew up and small crater was left. Axel kicked the creature in its head and it fell on its back, Axel grabbed the large hammer and smashed the creatures head with it. The head was…gone, all that was left was… nothing to pretty. The other two men where wielding a shield and a sword. They surrounded Axel and he scooted back, still holding the large hammer. Axel swung at one of the creatures legs, he jumped over the hammer, and Axel charged him. The both flew to the ground, but the other creature was right behind him. He hit Axel with his shield knocking him to the ground, and the other creature got to its feet and started to hit Axel with its shield to. Your friend ran at the creature and pulled on one of the creatures arm, it turned around and smacked your friend. He flew back and hit the ground, he was knocked out form the blow. The distraction helped Axel he garbed the creatures arm and swung it to the ground. He heled onto its arm as he got up, he twisted it until a popping sound followed by the creature screaming is heared. Axel kicked the other creature in the back as it was turning around and knocked it to the ground. Axel jumped on the creature and pulled an arrow out of the barrel and used both hands to drive the arrow into the creatures head. He then fell back and started to pant heavily. The blood started to seap out of the creatures head and you can feel the evil in it. Your body is frozen and you cant move, you can feel the blood being drawn towards you. Your body seems to cry to get away from it at the same time it needs from it to come. It touches your foot and you feel weak and brittle, but.. At the same time you fell powerful and invincible.
10 Re: Engraved -Epilog Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:09 pm
self-sain
ok so I've made some changes, the original is above
the changed one is... below
The smell of moisture flutters through out the air. The sound of a Sin less singing fills your sleeping mind. You stretch out your arms and legs, you open your eyes to see that your alone. You get up and leave your small home. You feel the cool breeze that’s runs through the village hit your face and now you can taste the moisture in the air. The warmth of the sunlight hits and you can see the over cast, looks like it may rain. Your attention is strayed away to the sound of the sizzling mooring meat begin to cook and you notice your empty stomach. You hear the sound of child laughter and you turn to see your friend and his father, Axel. The boy loads the bow and fires it at an apple, but at the last second the father moves the apple away and the boy laughs. The father rush the boy and scopes him up, throws him in the air and catches him, the boy laughs even more. You feel sorrow come over you and your grab and small wooden arrow pendant that hangs around your neck. The sad thoughts that haunt you being to take shape again. Your are thrusted in the air and at first you are startled but soon you are comforted. You recognize the soft yet firm hands and the smell of the woods. You let a smile take your face and laugh. You are set down an offered a hand and you take it and you two start to walk. You are taken in front of the elder and you are pushed over to where the other children are and you guys are told to sit and listen. You go absent minded as the elder begins to talk. He rattles on about what a special day this is and how you all should fell honored and some other crap. All you know is that your going out in the woods for the first time today. The old man finishes talking and you guys are soon put into your groups. Its you, your friend that you saw earlier, a girl that you play with, and some other girl your are not to familiar with. The groups guide is your friends father and he seems almost to enthusiastic. You guys start to head out and you see the village slowly slip out of view. Your not sure how you should feel because your excited that your finally able to see the out side… but you don’t know what’s out here so you’re a little scared. You all walk in silence other then your friends father who is humming a tune as he practically skips ahead. The sound of a twig breaking grabs your attention and steals your breath, your body freezes up and cold chill comes over you. You force your frozen body turn to see what that sound is, your heart races and you fell a cold sweat forming. The dark eyes meet yours and you both stair at each other, the creature breaks off and runs away; it was just a dear. You catch your breath and your friend runs and points as the dear runs off and begs his father for the bow so that he may slay his first meal. The father tell him he isn’t allowed to give the only bow away and plus the deer is already to far for such a novice to slay it. The boy throws a fit and jumps up and down and the father finally gives in. The boy is over joyed and loses his balance and he falls over. You and the girl you play with laugh and you two look at each other. You guys soon start walking again and this time you two walk together. You two talk and laugh as your friend looks for his first kill. You guys tease him and point at phony targets. You two laugh as he pouts the father chuckles and tells you guys that is time for every one to eat. You and the girl sit down and your friend is sent to go get some water, the other girl sits down on the opposite side of you guys. The father yells for the boy to hurry up and he comes back with a bucket of water. You guys begin to eat and talk among each other. Axel is the loudest of you all, so it was odd when he stopped talking. You all stopped talking and looked at him and his normal fun friendly face was replaced with a serious stern look. The only thing he asked was where the bow was… the boy was puzzled and said he had left it at the water bed on accident. You see some yellow sack fly into the fire and it lets out a high pitch cry that hurts your ears. Come on we must move the fathers says as he snatches the barrel of bows on to his back. Axel told you guys that you must hurry, your al started to run, high pitch sounds came from all directions as you guys where running. Axel said for you guys to go faster, but how could he expect for you guys to go any faster you where already running as it was. He jumped over a fallen tree, as you clime under the tree you see him just standing there. Three other creatures stood in front of him. They looked similar to you.. But you just couldn’t figure out what was different about them. The largest of the creature in the group charged at Axel. He swung a large looking hammer, it was slow and it was dodged easily, but it was powerful. As it hit the ground, dirt and debrie flew up and small crater was left. Axel kicked the creature in its head and it fell on its back, he grabbed the large hammer and smashed the creatures head with it. The head was…gone, all that was left was… nothing to pretty. The other two men where wielding a shield and a sword. They surrounded Axel and he scooted back, still holding the large hammer. Axel swung at one of the creatures legs, he jumped over the hammer, and Axel charged him. The both flew to the ground, but the other creatures alie was right behind him. He hit Axel with his shield knocking him to the ground, and the other creature got to its feet and started to hit him with its shield to. Your friend ran at the creature as tears streamed from his face, and pulled on one of the creatures arm, it turned around and smacked your friend. He flew back and hit the ground, he was knocked out form the blow, and blood started to drip from his nose. The distraction gave Axel the opportunity he needed, he grabbed the creatures arm and swung it to the ground. He heled onto its arm as he got up, he twisted it until a popping sound followed by the creature screaming was heared. Axel ran at the other creature, kicked it in the back and knocked it to the ground. Axel jumped on the creature and pulled an arrow out of the barrel and used both hands to drive the arrow into the creatures head. He then fell back and started to pant heavily. The blood started to seap out of the creatures head and you can feel something ominous about it. Your body is frozen and you can’t move, you can feel the blood being drawn towards you. Your body seems to cry to get away from it ,but… something compels you to take it. You want to take it all inside of you like a hunger that can eat your mind.. It touches your foot and you feel weak and brittle, but.. Then you feel a burring sensation. You feel your insides burst into flames.. But there was something odd about the fire… it was cool… nice to the skin. You then fell something tug at your arms, and then on the other. You just realized that you blacked out. When you opened your eyes you where on top of the creature and..
pls don't just read comment would be nice
the changed one is... below
The smell of moisture flutters through out the air. The sound of a Sin less singing fills your sleeping mind. You stretch out your arms and legs, you open your eyes to see that your alone. You get up and leave your small home. You feel the cool breeze that’s runs through the village hit your face and now you can taste the moisture in the air. The warmth of the sunlight hits and you can see the over cast, looks like it may rain. Your attention is strayed away to the sound of the sizzling mooring meat begin to cook and you notice your empty stomach. You hear the sound of child laughter and you turn to see your friend and his father, Axel. The boy loads the bow and fires it at an apple, but at the last second the father moves the apple away and the boy laughs. The father rush the boy and scopes him up, throws him in the air and catches him, the boy laughs even more. You feel sorrow come over you and your grab and small wooden arrow pendant that hangs around your neck. The sad thoughts that haunt you being to take shape again. Your are thrusted in the air and at first you are startled but soon you are comforted. You recognize the soft yet firm hands and the smell of the woods. You let a smile take your face and laugh. You are set down an offered a hand and you take it and you two start to walk. You are taken in front of the elder and you are pushed over to where the other children are and you guys are told to sit and listen. You go absent minded as the elder begins to talk. He rattles on about what a special day this is and how you all should fell honored and some other crap. All you know is that your going out in the woods for the first time today. The old man finishes talking and you guys are soon put into your groups. Its you, your friend that you saw earlier, a girl that you play with, and some other girl your are not to familiar with. The groups guide is your friends father and he seems almost to enthusiastic. You guys start to head out and you see the village slowly slip out of view. Your not sure how you should feel because your excited that your finally able to see the out side… but you don’t know what’s out here so you’re a little scared. You all walk in silence other then your friends father who is humming a tune as he practically skips ahead. The sound of a twig breaking grabs your attention and steals your breath, your body freezes up and cold chill comes over you. You force your frozen body turn to see what that sound is, your heart races and you fell a cold sweat forming. The dark eyes meet yours and you both stair at each other, the creature breaks off and runs away; it was just a dear. You catch your breath and your friend runs and points as the dear runs off and begs his father for the bow so that he may slay his first meal. The father tell him he isn’t allowed to give the only bow away and plus the deer is already to far for such a novice to slay it. The boy throws a fit and jumps up and down and the father finally gives in. The boy is over joyed and loses his balance and he falls over. You and the girl you play with laugh and you two look at each other. You guys soon start walking again and this time you two walk together. You two talk and laugh as your friend looks for his first kill. You guys tease him and point at phony targets. You two laugh as he pouts the father chuckles and tells you guys that is time for every one to eat. You and the girl sit down and your friend is sent to go get some water, the other girl sits down on the opposite side of you guys. The father yells for the boy to hurry up and he comes back with a bucket of water. You guys begin to eat and talk among each other. Axel is the loudest of you all, so it was odd when he stopped talking. You all stopped talking and looked at him and his normal fun friendly face was replaced with a serious stern look. The only thing he asked was where the bow was… the boy was puzzled and said he had left it at the water bed on accident. You see some yellow sack fly into the fire and it lets out a high pitch cry that hurts your ears. Come on we must move the fathers says as he snatches the barrel of bows on to his back. Axel told you guys that you must hurry, your al started to run, high pitch sounds came from all directions as you guys where running. Axel said for you guys to go faster, but how could he expect for you guys to go any faster you where already running as it was. He jumped over a fallen tree, as you clime under the tree you see him just standing there. Three other creatures stood in front of him. They looked similar to you.. But you just couldn’t figure out what was different about them. The largest of the creature in the group charged at Axel. He swung a large looking hammer, it was slow and it was dodged easily, but it was powerful. As it hit the ground, dirt and debrie flew up and small crater was left. Axel kicked the creature in its head and it fell on its back, he grabbed the large hammer and smashed the creatures head with it. The head was…gone, all that was left was… nothing to pretty. The other two men where wielding a shield and a sword. They surrounded Axel and he scooted back, still holding the large hammer. Axel swung at one of the creatures legs, he jumped over the hammer, and Axel charged him. The both flew to the ground, but the other creatures alie was right behind him. He hit Axel with his shield knocking him to the ground, and the other creature got to its feet and started to hit him with its shield to. Your friend ran at the creature as tears streamed from his face, and pulled on one of the creatures arm, it turned around and smacked your friend. He flew back and hit the ground, he was knocked out form the blow, and blood started to drip from his nose. The distraction gave Axel the opportunity he needed, he grabbed the creatures arm and swung it to the ground. He heled onto its arm as he got up, he twisted it until a popping sound followed by the creature screaming was heared. Axel ran at the other creature, kicked it in the back and knocked it to the ground. Axel jumped on the creature and pulled an arrow out of the barrel and used both hands to drive the arrow into the creatures head. He then fell back and started to pant heavily. The blood started to seap out of the creatures head and you can feel something ominous about it. Your body is frozen and you can’t move, you can feel the blood being drawn towards you. Your body seems to cry to get away from it ,but… something compels you to take it. You want to take it all inside of you like a hunger that can eat your mind.. It touches your foot and you feel weak and brittle, but.. Then you feel a burring sensation. You feel your insides burst into flames.. But there was something odd about the fire… it was cool… nice to the skin. You then fell something tug at your arms, and then on the other. You just realized that you blacked out. When you opened your eyes you where on top of the creature and..
pls don't just read comment would be nice
11 Re: Engraved -Epilog Thu Sep 02, 2010 2:47 pm
Vebril Eladriandill
why do you tease me so...? lol other than being left hanging I love it. it is absolutely exeptional
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